


Eluviesta Fool's Day Special: Invasion from the Skies Note

by AgnRadinx



Series: Crossover Abominations [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Warhammer 40.000, Warhammer 40.000: Dawn of War
Genre: April Fool's Day WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH, Codex Entries (Dragon Age), Crack, Crack Crossover, Darkspawn as 40k Orks, Dawn of War - Freeform, Gen, Orkspawn heh heh, The Inquisition as Space Marines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 17:30:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14169933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgnRadinx/pseuds/AgnRadinx
Summary: A note allegedly found in Kirkwall Darktown under a pile even Anders the Damned would not ask anybody to touch. The magisters and enchanters worldwide still try to decipher what appears to be the first draft of an otherworldly message, with a suspicious amount of references to heroes of the Inquisition Reborn.





	Eluviesta Fool's Day Special: Invasion from the Skies Note

**Author's Note:**

> I blame this brainfart on my recent interest in 40k, which made me reveal some interesting overlaps in the lore. Now I’m 100% sure that the ancient Elvhen were in fact the Necrons, and are now returning to restore the former glory, as the Necrons do. But, as they used to say in the first quarter of 2018, “go off I guess…”

Captain Taurus Ferrus, Cheater of Pain, of the First Chapter of the Deadly Chargers of Death, one of the finest Chapters Astartes, an Ultramarine with a dozen gilded bolts crowning his forehead right underneath his natural horns, as a memoir of his 3000-year service at the side of the Emperor; a top graduate in the Seheron Colony of the elite Hassrath Adeptus Secret Police with confirmed 5 million xeno kills, looked at the dusty fields of a lonely planet Fereldaan in the far Hinterlands of the Milky Way Galaxy with a single word twisting his lips in the highest form of contempt:

“Orkspawn.”

Next to him stood the undaunted emissaries of the Imperial Truth and United Humanity, listening to The Book Of Faith being chanted from the four corners of their camp: the Demonslayer Inquisitor (not  _ that _ one, though) of the Ordo Hereticus, Casandra of Many Names She Wishes Not To Reveal, of House Pentaghast; Rebellious Epistolary Dorian Pavus, the ~~Peaco~~ Rainbow Eagle of Incineration, bred from the purified genotype of the Great Traitor Horus Leprechaun ( _ sic _ ) Himself; Librarian Solas the Dread ~~wol~~ ~~werebird?~~   a faithful investigator of the Warp, an unmatched psyker ~~with absolutely no ties to the Chaos, whatsoever~~ ; The Sword of Liberation, The Lion Chaste in His Mind, a former Black Templar Cullen Ruthafordas, Defender of the Pigeon Crusade on Hon’leth against a bloodthirsty corrupt sentinel that was granted self-awareness by the Chaos God of Intrigue. 

On that day, they stood not only against the deceitful taint of mutation, ever wary of the dangers of chaos, but also against the reeking green pestilence which, apparently, had now possessed the art of speech - barbarically bawling their lungs out that “Dem _ trebuchez  _ can go zog deir Supa Skullcrusha Mega Cannonz _ ” _ . 

“ **Bullshit** ”, Pentaghast retorted. “Our trebuchets allow for multiple, simultaneous, and devastating defensive deep -”

Little did they know that the orkspawn invasion was skilfully orchestrated by a potent Chaos Sorcerer Corypheus of the legendary Sidereal Legion, who stormed the Warp itself physically to loot its unspoken treasures of primordial lore and unlimited power, only to return with chaos demons unleashed upon the world and heresy implanted into his twisted heart in hushed whispers. He left a trail of red warp dust behind him for the orkspawn to follow, as they seemed to believe that “Red goes fasta”.

Earthquake-like tremors struck the earth as the enemy released one of their terrifying Deff Dreads, waving its heavy-weaponed limbs and stomping waves of scout grotlocks swarming in the first line of attack. But Taurus, the bravest and most faithful of the Emperor’s servants, led his brave squad of Astartes down a convoluted path filled with traps and orkspawn outposts, until they single-handedly turned the enemy into dust, and faced Corypheus trying to open a warp portal to turn the whole universe into Immaterium.

Taurus rose his Prismatic Axe Of ~~Half~~ Blind Devotion (one with a fancy eagle at the top) and ended the heretic's suffering. His ultimate victory was announced by the chaos sorcerer’s final cowardly yelp:

“ **Sssssssssoooooooooooolaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssssss!** ”

The Astartes turned their heads at the Librarian, who was wincing in disgust at the display of audacity.

“All heresy thirsts for more power. All power demands sacrifice”, Solas said under his breath. “Today, another heretic came to learn it.”

“Beware lest the joy of victory tempts you to let your guard down. The heart of many can only beat in the Emperor”, Taurus exhorted.

“His presence guards us from all wrong. In suffering for His victory, we may fall to our death, but not to chaos”, Solas replied.

“By His Will”, they replied in unison and basked in glory of another victory. Alas, the war with chaos never ended.  


**Author's Note:**

> Happy Easter to everyone who's celebrating!


End file.
